Done Done Done

I can't believe I'm finally done. It's been a challenging 7 months of surgery, chemo, and radiation. Cancer is incredibly hard to destroy. Many cancer patients go through all this and more for longer and still have a high chance for recurrence;  for example lung cancer - 85% , ovarian cancer - 75%. I am humbled by these statistics and feel fortunate that my cancer only has a 15% chance of recurrence. This isn't much higher than my original chances of getting it in the first place.

I feel great and have so much energy. I am pleased with how well I've regained strength and stamina considering how brutal the chemo was for me. I wonder if the cancer was taking a toll on me while it was growing or if I feel so good now because I was down for so long. (I don't remember feeling this way before my diagnosis). Whatever the reason I welcome feeling good and treasuring each moment.  So now instead of going to doctor appointments and treatments, I'm off to yoga, pilates, lunch with friends, concerts, etc. I'm off the sofa and in the garden planting flowers and veggies. Next week we're renting a house in Mendocino for 5 days with our good friends, Ann and Steven.  My hair is coming back. It looks quite gray, kind of a salt and pepper (heavy on the salt!). I'm so glad to have hair I really don't care. It's about 3/4 of an inch long. I can't wait till I'm comfortable going out without a hat. So much of what used to bother or upset me is of no consequence now. I really don't sweat the small stuff, because really that's what most of it is. I guess it takes the really big stuff, like cancer, to make us realize this.

This ordeal started in summer, I watched the poplars and birches outside the family room window go through their seasonal changes. I felt similar transitions as the leaves went from green to gold, then floated to the ground with the fall winds (kind of like my hair!). The empty branches, dark against the cold winter sky, appeared as lifeless as I felt. And now the promise of spring has arrived, new life sprouts from the barren trees and new vitality gathers in me.  The white crowned sparrows have returned; the world is again filled with vibrant color and new growth as the cycle continues and I take my place in it.

So this brings my blog to a close. I will keep you posted as new challenges appear. I still have to take the estrogen blocker for 5 years. I can't thank everyone enough for all the love and support sent my way. I treasure every e-mail, phone call, visit, meal, gift, and general good vibes from all the wonderful folks in my life. I send each of you blessings for sharing my journey.
Namaste,
Anita

Finish line

I haven't been keeping up with my blog because for the last 5 weeks I have been going to UCSF for my radiation treatments. I would leave monday morning and return friday afternoon. Since I was home for such a short time I didn't want to spend it in front of the computer (I preferred to play in my garden :>). The time has flown by and I can't believe I'm done- really done with everything surgery, chemo, radiation- on Tuesday.

Radiation has been nothing compared to Chemo. I know two other women who are going through chemo and I realize now how very hard it affected me. Both of these women can drive and just have a few days of feeling bad. I was lucky if I had a few days of feeling good in the two week cycle.  But that's behind me now. And I will say to my credit that as bad as it was I get an "A" for attitude! I have done much better with the radiation. My doctor had me do 25 treatments- some women have to have 30. I asked if this was a good thing in terms of prognosis and she replied, with a smile on her face, "It's a very good thing."  Yea for my team!!  I'm a little tired from the inflammation of the radiation, but it's not bad at all. My skin is doing great, I just have a small patch of redness on my collar bone and chest. The technicians, who are absolutely wonderful, joke that they must not have turned on the machine!

I've had a great time while in the bay area. My nieces were there for part of the time and we had some very nice visits. And of course my sister, Jessica, who has been a great support through all of this, has been making sure we get to play a lot. We've been to movies, plays, music events, wonderful restaurants, and walk every day. She lives close to Dan's, where I'm staying, so its super easy to get together. Dan has been gone most of the time, so I have his beautiful home to myself. It's in the hills with a wonderful view of SF and the Golden Gate. Did I mention the hot tub and espresso maker?  I also drove down to Santa Cruz twice to see Ben (my son). It's about 2 hours and the highway goes right along the ocean from south of SF until SC, it is a gorgeous drive. I would spend the night and drive back for treatment the next day. My niece, Sarah, joined me on one of the trips.  The treatment takes about 5 minutes once I'm on the table. Originally my appointment was at 4. The traffic coming back was awful. The 35 minute drive would take over an hour. After two weeks, a slot opened at 12:30 and the drive is easy.

 As much fun as I've had in the city, I'm a country girl at heart, and am eager to get back to my life before cancer. I know it is now my life after cancer, but it will be a relief to not have all my time and energy focused on treatment.  My oncologist said I'm cured and she wants me to think of myself this way.  I plan to do that. If I have learned anything from this it is to live in the moment, regardless of what that moment brings.  If I worry about the  future or regret the past, I am not being. And if I am not being I am not living.