Light

In one week I will have my last chemo infusion. I am so looking forward to being done with this phase of my treatment. I have not complained or whined too much, but it has been quite an ordeal. I can see the light at the end of this dark tunnel and I look forward to getting back into shape, being social, eating out, getting hair, and all the other things I used to take for granted. Four months on the sofa have taken its toll and I feel like a slug, Fortunately, I haven't gained weight, but I feel pretty flabby. I am so weak from the chemo that on a good day I can walk for about 15 minutes. I try to do two walks a day, but sometimes it isn't possible. On some days, 10 minutes is all I can handle. And others I can't do anything.........It's going to be a long climb back to fitness.

The Taxol is easier than the other 2 chemo drugs. On the 2nd day after treatment I get terrible muscle aches and spasms- kind of like the flu, but not really. It is a very strange sensation and moves around my body. This lasts for about 3 days, but even now (a week later) I still have some twitching in my calf muscles.  So far,  I haven't gotten the peripheral neuropathy as a side effect.  I don't know if this means I won't get it or it may come later, as some side effects can.

I know it will be an adjustment once chemo is over since this has been my life for four months. Now what??? I've been reading a lot of books by cancer survivors and it seems that you get what one writer calls "canceritis". You think every lump, bump, spot or pain is a recurrence and you drive your doctors crazy. The fear of it coming back is always on your mind.  Time seems to heal this. I hope I can prepare myself and keep the fear under control. If I've learned anything from this experience, it's to take each day as it comes and live it to the fullest. No one knows what is out there or what they will face around the next corner.

I had a lovely holiday with both my boys.  I hope your holidays were filled with good things and wish everyone good health and joy in the New Year.

UCSF

     We got back from SF yesterday. It was a tiring trip, but it was nice to eat out and be in the city. We were very impressed with the radiology oncologist at UCSF. She only treats breast cancer so she is an expert on the subject. She was very thorough and went over everything (including giving Glenn the 50 page study of the benefits of radiation in reducing recurrence) and we never felt rushed. The advantage of having the treatment there is that the technicians who do the treatments are better trained. Also, before treatment begins there is a process where you are positioned for the treatment. Measurements are taken (and I get some small tattoos on my chest- I always wanted one!) as well as a CAT scan to see where organs (like my heart and thyroid) are so they can be avoided during treatment.  The position of the machine is based on all this so damage to other areas is minimized.
      The radiologist in Chico, with whom I wasn't impressed,  actually told me if during treatment my throat hurts I need to tell the technician as that means my esophagus is being hit!  I don't think that will be an issue at UCSF. I have a friend I can stay with and my sister lives there too. I would come home on weekends. The treatment lasts for about 6 weeks, but I believe I should get the best care available to me. There is another center about 30 minutes from us and I will check that out and see what they can offer.
   Many people have commented on how proactive I have been throughout my treatment. I believe we all need to be advocates for our health care.   This is my life at stake and I want to make the most informed decisions I can.
   I'm going to get ready for treatment #6, so I'll be out of it for a while.  Thanks again for all the nice emails. What would I do without all you wonderful people.

Almost there

      I can't believe that on after my infusion next Tuesday I'll only have 2 more treatments to go. I can see the light at the end of this dismal tunnel. I'm so sick of not feeling good, I can't wait to start exercising again and building my strength back. And I look forward to going to parties and eating out and doing "normal" things. Since my immunity is so low, I've avoided all those things. Also, I haven't really felt that great (not that you would notice :>).
      The Taxol has different side effects, I had a few days of muscle aches. They can get very severe, but I was able to just take Motrin and hang in there. I got very fatigued when my blood count plummeted and ran a fever like I did on the other chemo drugs. But I am feeling better today and overall think this drug isn't so strong.  The other drugs made me mentally out of it along with the physical symptoms so I felt bad but I just sort of floated along. The Taxol doesn't affect my mental state, which results in a disparity between my mind and my physical body. I could see where I could get depressed by this so I'm trying to stay positive and focus on the end of all this.
     Today we're driving to SF because I have two appointments at UCSF tomorrow. I'm meeting with a genetic counselor to see if I'm a candidate for the genetic test for the breast cancer gene. I thought they would just do the test, but I guess the insurance won't pay unless its recommended by the genetics person. I'm also meeting with a radiology oncologist. Radiation is the next phase of my treatment so I want to get more information about my options. I have a doctor here, but I figure why not take advantage of a world class facility that is nearby. I'm hoping that I don't have to have as aggressive treatment as was originally called for. We're staying at a B&B near the medical center and I'm actually eating out tonight! Even though, we're there for a kind of sad reason, I can still pretend it's a mini-vacation.
     I think that brings everyone up to date on my world. I had a nice Thanksgiving with my sister, Jessica, her friend Dan and Michael and Mariah. They did all the work!  I missed not doing it- it's my favorite holiday and last year I had 6 house guests and 11 people at the table. Next year.........
    Hope all is well in your world and don't forget to subscribe so you'll get notified when I post.

Giving Thanks

Yesterday I felt pretty good and thought about the upcoming holiday and all the blessings in my life even while I go through this difficult time. I should have posted then because I'm not feeling so great today. I guess it's one day at a time. On tuesday I had chemo #5 and am now on a different drug called Taxol. It caused another flair up of my hands but enough about that, back to the topic.

I just want to acknowledge all the people and things in my life that I am grateful for. I have always had an attitude of gratitude, but being ill has brought me closer to appreciating how blessed I am. I am grateful to my wonderful husband, Glenn, who has truly risen to the task and is taking amazing care of me. I have so many wonderful friends and family members who have brought me meals and gifts and wonderful company. All the people who aren't here have been calling and emailing regularly. I feel so supported and loved with so much positive energy being sent my way. I am thankful that I have good insurance and am getting the best treatment possible and that I have the financial resources to make my life easier and comfortable at this time. 

I could go on, but I just want to encourage everyone to take stock and make time for gratitude today. We are all blessed.

Happy Thanksgiving- gobble gobble

Half Way There

Sorry it is so long between posts. It's amazing how tired this chemo makes me. Last Tuesday I had treatment #4, so I'm officially half way through. This was the last infusion of A/C and next week I start taxol. It isn't supposed to be as bad as the first two (I'm told Adriamycin is called the "Red Devil" and is the worst of the three). It does come with its own set of side effects- joint pain and the possibility of nerve pain in the hands and feet.  It would be nice to have a small reprieve.
After my second A/C treatment and into the third I experienced an odd reaction. My fingertips turned bright red and felt like they had been burned. I couldn't touch anything without pain, it was awful. Then the skin turned thick and now is peeling. My oncologist was baffled, but it turns out it is a rare reaction to the Adriamycin. It usually happens after the last treatment, so she decided that I needed a lower dose this last time and reduced the infusion by 25%. I thought I would have less side effects, but I didn't.
I'll try to post again soon as I want to share some of the thoughts and reflections I have had while lying on the sofa staring at the ceiling, which is what I do about 90% of the time!
Thanks for all the great energy coming my way.
Anita

Chemo 3, Cancer 0

I keep writing this blog in my mind all the time, I just don't have the energy to sit and type it out.  I never got any good days with the last treatment. I hope this one will be better. I'm managing the side effects a little better. I'm not a "pill popper" so it is hard for me to take all the meds I should to keep the side effects at bay.I've enlisted Glenn's help and he has been making sure I stay on top of everything.  Last Friday I ended up in the emergency room with some lower GI bleeding due to my lack of taking what I needed. I'll spare the gory details, but everything was OK and it was really no big deal.  Also, I am accepting the weakness and lack of ability to exercise and move a little better. For those of you who don't know me that well, I am a very active person.  I have worked hard to keep in shape and live a lifestyle that involves gardening- we have 5 acres and do all our own yard work. I also go to the gym, walk, kayak, and take pilates, so lying on the couch day after day is not my idea of a good time!  I do try to walk out my drive way a couple of times a day. 

I will try to make some periodic shorter comments, so dear reader you don't loose interest. I have one more treatment with the Adriamycn/Cytoxin and then I'm half way through- hurray! I will then have 4 treatments of Taxol.

Thanks for all you love, support and comments.

Pictures

Here are some photos of me bald, with my wig, and a beret. I think my bald head isn't as ugly as I thought it would be! I don't have any lumps or bumps (I think I see a resemblance to my big bro, Bernie).

Chemo round 2

Many of you have suggested I do a blog rather that the emails, so here it goes from the technically challenged! I'm happy to report that this second cycle is going better than the first. I think I was still recovering from my two surgeries (node dissection and port placement) which were two and one week prior to my first infusion. I was sore and had limited use of my right arm. Also, my doctor has come up with some changes to my anti-nausea meds, and I am drinking lots of ginger tea- it really helps. I'm still tired but it is so much less stressful without feeling queazy all the time. Stay tuned for next weeks adventures. Love to all you wonderful friends and family out there- I couldn't do this without you.  If any on you are Blog savvy and have ideas for this let me know.