Portless

Lots had been going on, but I'm happy to report that I've been too busy with being normal to sit and write! I didn't bounce back so quickly after my last infusion which was 3 weeks ago. I kind of pushed myself a bit too hard and was exhausted for a few days. I never realized how impatient I am.  In the last week, I have finally felt like my old self, (sort of). I'm able to walk my old route and I have worked up to 20 minutes and 1.7 miles on the nordic track. I also went to pilates and have been working with weights. My gym membership is on a medical hold and I won't go back until after I finish radiation, so I'm doing everything here at home.  This is ok because the heaviest weights I have are only 5 lbs, so I can't overdo it!  I've also been shopping and eating out and not worrying about every germ that comes my way. My hair has started growing back (it actually starting growing when I was on the Taxol). it's still just stubble but I can see it changing (I look at it about 30 time a day!).  I still have the residue from the Hand reaction I got from the first chemo drug I was on. The skin on my finger tips are all wrinkly (like when you have your hands in water too long) and there is still some numbness. My nail are all yellow and I have lost my thumb nail and will probably loose others too.  It's more annoying than anything else.

I got my port removed yesterday. Usually, they are left in for 6 months or so, but no one could give me a good reason why that was, so I pushed for getting it out before I start radiation.  It was done right in the doctor's office.  It took quite a while and I was very nervous about the whole thing. I felt no pain but I did feel pressure and heard sniping and stuff. I'm a ninny at heart! It was painful last night and this morning, more than when it was put in.  I have the stitches out on Monday.

Next week I go to UCSF for my set up for radiation which will begin the following week. My sister's friend, Dan, has graciously offered me a room in his house. He lives in the hills near Tilden Park and a short walk from my sister's (her place in only a 1 bedroom). I'm trying to overlook the sad reason I'll be there and focus on all the fun things there are to do in the bay area.

So I think this catches everyone up on the latest from me. I'll do some posting when I'm having the radiation. I look forward to being done with all this.

The Last......Hurrah!

Yesterday was my last chemo treatment. As I watched the final drips of Taxol go through the line, I reflected on what a long grueling 4 months it has been.  There were many times I didn't know if I had it in me to see this through. As strong as I am, I often thought, "this will break me and bring me to my knees". And as I lay on the sofa I thought, "this is what is like to die." But I didn't break or die, I triumphed and passed the test. So now what?

I am not the same woman I was 6 months ago. Being diagnosed with cancer is a life changing experience and my outlook on life has shifted. I can't express how this will manifest in my life and relationships as it is so new, but I have definitely changed- hopefully in positive ways. I can't even say what has shifted, but I can feel it in how I see things and how I think. I will keep you posted as the future unfolds.

I went into two stores today and I drove there myself! I have avoid public places for the last 4 months, as I didn't want to risk getting sick and having to delay a treatment.  I look forward to getting back into shape- walking, weights, pilates, yoga- all that good stuff. I've been exercising a little on my good days but I haven't pushed myself, as I thought my body was being stressed enough by the chemo.  I'm looking forward to having my hair. It started to grow once I was on the Taxol, but it is still stubble. There are so many things I can't wait to do I won't bore you with what are mostly things you do every day without a though.

I'll keep posting so stay tuned. I wish everyone a happy and very healthy new year:>)